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Passed, tick,​ pause, next…?

The grappling with bookkeeping entries is over and I have passed which is good news. What stands for normal in my life can continue; a quick trip to London to reminisce with a dear friend on a flying visit, sharing my latest plans for world domination, and checking in with my 4 categorised lists, which has included the perils of switching gas supplier – aargh!

Immersing myself into the business element of life stimulated encouraging conversation about the next steps. Trademarking, registration and logos were discussed as the next must-haves and I tentatively agreed; until I started the research. Research does not always provide the answers you want when you want them or the way you want them. More probable, I was not ready for this stage. As I bombarded my senses with information, my disheartenment grew. A sole trader does not need to register or have a logo. If I was sure about anything it would be these two things that I spent a significant amount of time trying to pin down before I gave in to weary confusion. This step was out of sync with my flaky schedule, it felt like flying on a prayer and a wish without having knowledge or experience to back it up. Having tackled the first level business courses I want to get through the copywriting and creative courses.  Moving forward seems unlikely if I’m not studying and practising regularly, plus there is the confidence boost that comes with the achievement of completing important tasks. Without these boxes ticked first, I fear I will be lacking the conviction to market and promote my services. Suddenly, I was quite drained. It could have been the lack of sleep or the persistent worry that I’m not doing enough, but more likely it was the shift in gears to bring all aspects of my life back into balance whilst discovering more unknown factors.

I will need to network at some point; expand my circle to include business associates and contacts who have either been where I am or are at a similar stage. Writing is an isolated pursuit and it could be supportive to be around similar camaraderie as in a workplace environment.  This will be a necessary addition to the business list and undoubtedly involve more research.

In hindsight, I should have taken a break between the intense academia and getting back on track. Maybe then I wouldn’t have dropped the ball and been susceptible to the parasitic worms disguised as humans that tried to hack me this week. Needless to say, a lot of the work I had planned to do quickly went out of the window while I nursed my bruised ego and admonished myself for being such an idiot. I had a lucky escape and I am blessed to have friends reminding me not to be so hard on myself.

Ironically the dreadful incident served as a reminder that the one thing I haven’t listed or remembered is the need for a regular spiritual connection. Walking daily is a great help, but something is missing.  The word meditation is meandering around my head as I write, but stillness feels indulgent when I have work to do. I’ve conditioned myself to think I have to fire up my body as well as my brain hence the word games and solitaire used to kickstart the day.  Still, I have recommissioned my clock radio and if I’ve not already been awoken by my noisy neighbours, I am roused to a room bathed in soft light and the strains of Classic FM a substitute for smooth jazz (FM has it’s range limitations). Clearly, I am trying to evoke a spiritual connection and the answer is there, somewhere.  With any luck it will organically present itself, increasing the chances of it becoming a regular habit. If it could also remind me to be grateful for what I have that would be a huge bonus.

Academia and near peril saw my creativity vanish under a cloud of anxiety and despair, resulting in slippage for my self imposed weekly entry in this space, worse still, no impetus to flesh out the narrative I’ve been working on.  But every cloud has a silver lining and I submitted my first copywriting assignment this week, hooray! It has not been a great week, but it’s over.





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