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Change

The enormity of the task I’ve set for myself finally kicked in this week.  There is a ton of stuff to do. Like every new phase of life, this one feels different and it is. It’s uncharted territory, also the research and advice I’ve encountered are letting me know this is going to be hard. On the outset, each change seems more perilous and foolhardy than the last one and here I go again, but first I have to rant.

Freelance writer/blogger what the hell was I thinking, why didn’t anyone stop me? Who gives up a solid 9-5 in this current economic crisis? Answer: the crazy creative who thinks everyone needs to do the thing they love and everything will be okay; conveniently glossing over the painstaking hard work it’s going to take, the sleepless nights of worry, the perceived disappointing looks from loved ones hoping you’ll pull it together and finally sort yourself out. Rant over.

I can do hard work, I’ve done it before, I’m doing it now. However, this time I have no choice but to deal with any and all emotional baggage along the way if I want to be successful. There is no time or room left for anything that isn’t going to move me and this new venture forward.

The beginning of the change curve always knocks my focus off kilter,  causing the odd hiccup. Re-engaging with the screenplay competition for a chance to move to the next round was not the best call while my mind went into overdrive trying to figure out where to start this monumental journey. The competition criterion was tough and well outside my comfort zone:  a historical theme,  a bank location and a clothesline! The 48-hour timeframe was not enough for me to research and create a good enough coherent story.  Instead, I ended up with two 3 quarters finished stories that did not make the grade. There would be other competitions, it was still a learning experience, at least I was trying, but I was gutted to find days later that I missed one of my booked courses because of it, aargh! This is all part of the new world I’m entering, mistakes will be made, works will be discarded and events will be missed if things get too far out of alignment. But it’s not all bad.

Thanks to the Shonda Rimes Masterclass I’ve rediscovered good television and I’m finally catching up with the gold I’ve missed. I’m invigorated,  addicted and fired up, this will be the fuel for the focus.

I’ve assured myself this change will be different. I’m older, wiser and more experienced so I won’t suppress or distract myself from any issues. This time I’ll work through them, the emotional and spiritual awakening has to be part of this freelance package because for this change I need all the energy I’ve got – and I love that!

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